When Parents Don't Approve...

Why is there an [unwritten] standard for who we date?
Why are cultures so opposed to mixing it up?

When Reisner was talking today about disapproving if his daughters were to marry outside the Jewish community, all that came to my mind was my mother's voice a few years ago, "Why can't you find yourself a nice Colombian boy?"  Who said I want a Colombian boy?  Everyone in my family is Colombian and has married another Colombian.  I have nothing against my people, but I must have been born the 'black' sheep, and I use this term loosely, because I am attracted to black men.  I have currently happily been dating a Jamaican now for what's going on three years, and before that a Haitian and other Black American men, but boy did it take a lot to get to this place.

I remember the first time I told my mom I was attracted to ::gasp:: black men.  I might as well have told her I was a lesbian because she pretty much wanted to disown me.  My mom is a very intelligent woman, but at this moment, a list of ridiculousness ensued:

-"What's wrong with you?"
-"Don't you know they're lazy and will just mooch off you whenever they can?"  
-"They smoke weed."
-"They like to be in gangs."
-"They're scary." 
-"What will the family think?"
-"How will they ever integrate into our culture?"  


1) I felt like saying "What's wrong with me??! More like what's wrong with YOU?"
2-4) What's up with all these stereotypes? This is the problem right here.  Older generations grew up with these misinformed ideas of cultures different from their own, and never thought to question them.
5) More like scary to her.  Since I was a little girl, they were the only culture that I ever felt comfortable around because the only friends I had when I came to this country were black because everyone else in the white school she took me to would make fun of my accent or the way I looked.  But my mom grew up in an area where the only time she even heard about black people was when someone got raped or a store got robbed.  Such a shame :/
6) Little did she know, I couldn't care less what the family thinks.  That's another problem in the world today. People are so worried about what everybody else is going to think, that they forget to be themselves, or take risks, or be different and ask questions.  I love my family and I'll always listen to what they have to say because I know they mean well, but if I have a different opinion, I'm going to go with my heart.  If I make a mistake, so be it, at least I won't go my whole life asking "what if?"
7)The question is more if she was willing to let them integrate.  Integrating in essence is really not that hard.  We may all look different on the outside, believe in different things, have different interests and speak different languages, but integrating is not about trying to become like something/someone else or loosing yourself.  The World English Dictionary defines integration as:

- the act of combining or adding parts to make a unified whole

THINK ABOUT IT. TAKE A SECOND. DING! - (Snoop Dogg)

I've taught my mom how to think differently about things, and although I still hear the occasional racist comment from her, I know that we've come a long way.  Change doesn't happen over night, but it does require persistence and faith.  If I had given up after the first fight many years ago, my mom would have never had the chance to go to mingle with a Jamaican family and change her opinions.  If the freedom riders and other civil rights activists had given up after the first arrest, the world wouldn't be what it is today.  

We need each other.  We need everybody.  We need to learn, grow and share.  We need diversity.